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A hept upon you!

That's, like, one more.

Sep. 16th, 2011

"My last life I was burnt as a witch."

Well, you certainly took your time coming back, but given the circumstances, I completely understand your reluctance to return…

In fact, maybe you should just stay away…

I'm sure we're all very grateful...

Wow, y'know, I can't even tell you how very relieved I am that you won't "allow" those evil body-snatching necromancers to crazy-glue souls of the dead into the bodies of the living.

Found on notalwaysright.com....

This appeared yesterday on the fantastic customer service horror anecdote site, notalwaysright.com, and I had posted it to my LJ, but it's good enough, it should be in here, too!


"Second Thoughts About Second Sight"


Customer: “My garbage disposal is clogged up.”
Me: “What is stuck in your garbage disposal?”
Customer: “A crystal ball.”
Me: “A what?”
Customer: “My crystal ball rolled off the counter and fell in my garbage disposal.”


Pause


Me: “You didn’t see that coming?”


Yeah, I edited slightly for how I felt that conversation had to have flowed.

You have to laugh

Possibly old news, but I don't recall seeing it before: Merkin's MoonCollapse )

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Apr. 17th, 2008

Now I know this has been done to death. Little teenager fluff bunnies, oh my. I have to admit though, in my overworked, tired, typo haze, I like the responses to this girl. Well except for one.

http://community.livejournal.com/wiccan/1370760.html?nc=35

and people wonder why I walked away...far...far...away...
While I was on the bus today, I got to watch two little gothlings discussing their foray into Satanism. Imagine, if you will, a skinny, spotty boy trying desperately to be Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, complete with "Z?" shirt, slicked and pointed dyed black hair, and a pallor that came from Hot Topic or his mother's makeup case. We'll call him Gothling 1. Gothling 2 was a young girl, her dyed black and red and purple hair held back with a tatty red velvet and lace ribbon. Wearing This, over ripped up black fishnets with thin red velvet lace woven through and tied around her wrists. Stripey wicked witch stockingtights in black and red, and mary janes. I wanted to pet her, she was so cute. Makeup done ala Marilyn Manson.

Gothling 2, sulking: "I did everything right out of the Necronomicon, and the candles didn't even flicker. I don't get it. It should have summoned at least an imp."
Gothling 1, smarmy and oozing: "Well, it takes practice to summon the Dark Lords. I mean, you can't just call 'em up on your first time out. That's not how it works. You have to build up Power and Focus first."
Gothling 2, still sulking: "I did that! Ritual cleansing bath, Stones of Power around the circle, my Athame (pronounced aye-theme) and my Black Knife, and the three drops of blood!"
Gothling 1, smarmy and oozing: "That's good, that's good.. It's a good start, but you have to work with more Power than that. More blood, or sex, are good ways to harvest it."

At this point, I snorted a laugh - I couldn't help it. The Random Capitals of Doom that you could hear, the 'Dark Lords', the freaking NECRONOMICON.. couldn't keep a straight face.

Gothling 1, angry at me: "What the fuck are you laughing at?!"
Me: (To Gothling 2) "He's trying to get in your pants."
Gothling 2, shocked: "No he isn't!"
Me: "I'll bet you a dollar his next line was going to be an offer to help you 'Focus' and 'gather Power', either by bloodplay or offering to have sex with you."
Gothling 2: "It wasn't!" Turning to G1 "It wasn't, was it!? Tell her it wasn't!"
Gothling 1: *silent, glaring at me*
Me: "Yuhuh. Crappiest way to get into a girls pants, pretty much ever. Necronomicon as a reference tool? Puhfucklinglease. If you can buy it at Borders, just how good do you think it's gonna be?"
Gothling 2, glaring at G1: "That's sick, Greg. If you wanted a date, all you had to do was ask."
Gothling 1, still glaring at me: "I told you, it's not Greg anymore!"
Gothling 2, eyerolling: "Ok, OZRYMANDIUM, it's still shitty! Satanism is a serious business! You shouldn't cheapen it by using it to try to get a date!"

And then it was their stop, and they left the bus, still bickering.

So much snark material!
-T

Just Stop

Before Cochrane:

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for the master,
One for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

After Cochrane:

Baa baa black buck,
Have you any blood?
Nine quarts full sir,
By leaf and bud.

Three for the Lady,
Three for the Lord,
Three for the Initiate
Who cuts his own cord.

And doubtless Jack and Jill stands for the Great Rite, while The Itsy Bitsy Spider represents the cycle of the year.

(Inspired by multiple e-mails, posts, and comments... and my grumpy mood...)

You are NOT a SOLITAIRE Wiccan, or even a solitaire witch. You are a *solitary* witch. A solitaire is a pretty rock, like the ones in your head, in a setting for just one jewel, or it's a game.

(On looking it up in the dictionary, I found that a solitaire is also a flightless bird related to the dodo. This strikes me as funny.)

Sci-Fi Paganism?

A local priestess of sacred sexuality calls herself Inara (actually admitting she got it from Firefly) and has named her temple...The Temple Serenity.