Peregrine ([info]falcongirl) wrote in [info]dot_pagan_snark,
2007-04-20 09:12:00
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More of an 'overheard', but still snarkworthy

While I was on the bus today, I got to watch two little gothlings discussing their foray into Satanism. Imagine, if you will, a skinny, spotty boy trying desperately to be Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, complete with "Z?" shirt, slicked and pointed dyed black hair, and a pallor that came from Hot Topic or his mother's makeup case. We'll call him Gothling 1. Gothling 2 was a young girl, her dyed black and red and purple hair held back with a tatty red velvet and lace ribbon. Wearing This, over ripped up black fishnets with thin red velvet lace woven through and tied around her wrists. Stripey wicked witch stockingtights in black and red, and mary janes. I wanted to pet her, she was so cute. Makeup done ala Marilyn Manson.

Gothling 2, sulking: "I did everything right out of the Necronomicon, and the candles didn't even flicker. I don't get it. It should have summoned at least an imp."
Gothling 1, smarmy and oozing: "Well, it takes practice to summon the Dark Lords. I mean, you can't just call 'em up on your first time out. That's not how it works. You have to build up Power and Focus first."
Gothling 2, still sulking: "I did that! Ritual cleansing bath, Stones of Power around the circle, my Athame (pronounced aye-theme) and my Black Knife, and the three drops of blood!"
Gothling 1, smarmy and oozing: "That's good, that's good.. It's a good start, but you have to work with more Power than that. More blood, or sex, are good ways to harvest it."

At this point, I snorted a laugh - I couldn't help it. The Random Capitals of Doom that you could hear, the 'Dark Lords', the freaking NECRONOMICON.. couldn't keep a straight face.

Gothling 1, angry at me: "What the fuck are you laughing at?!"
Me: (To Gothling 2) "He's trying to get in your pants."
Gothling 2, shocked: "No he isn't!"
Me: "I'll bet you a dollar his next line was going to be an offer to help you 'Focus' and 'gather Power', either by bloodplay or offering to have sex with you."
Gothling 2: "It wasn't!" Turning to G1 "It wasn't, was it!? Tell her it wasn't!"
Gothling 1: *silent, glaring at me*
Me: "Yuhuh. Crappiest way to get into a girls pants, pretty much ever. Necronomicon as a reference tool? Puhfucklinglease. If you can buy it at Borders, just how good do you think it's gonna be?"
Gothling 2, glaring at G1: "That's sick, Greg. If you wanted a date, all you had to do was ask."
Gothling 1, still glaring at me: "I told you, it's not Greg anymore!"
Gothling 2, eyerolling: "Ok, OZRYMANDIUM, it's still shitty! Satanism is a serious business! You shouldn't cheapen it by using it to try to get a date!"

And then it was their stop, and they left the bus, still bickering.

So much snark material!
-T
Tags: attention whores, buy a clue, darkity dark, demons, did i just win snark bingo, fluffybunnies, funny, good snark, leet magical children, necronomicon, off-line snarks, omg satanists!, quotes, reality check plz, satanism = serious bidnizz, witchkiddies

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  • 104 comments
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[info]maiagirl

April 20 2007, 14:54:25 UTC 5 years ago

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Man, did I need a laugh this morning! Thank you!

[info]faeshale

April 20 2007, 14:55:33 UTC 5 years ago

Wow... I just saw a movie called "Night of the Living Dorks" or somesuch. German film, very entertaining. Not half as entertaining as that conversation.

The fact that she still takes satanism seriously after all that is just great.

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 15:01:23 UTC 5 years ago

HEE! Detail on movie? Was it mocking goths or was it a cheesy undead movie?
-T

[info]faeshale

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]batchfile

April 20 2007, 14:57:15 UTC 5 years ago

ROFL!

i wonder, though, are we supposed to help these people?

i was at borders yesterday with my adult daughter, picked up a starhawk book and another tarot deck, and while i was perusing the starhawk book(circleround) this teen came by with a "necronomicon" and a teenspell book talking to his friend about how those will "have all we need". just the way he said it i couldn't help but snicker...

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 15:00:42 UTC 5 years ago

I consider doing it my civic duty to keep them from breeding. I'd be willing to bet another dollar G1'd have used some smarmy line to get out of using a condom.

[info]batchfile

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]ms_daisy_cutter

4 years ago

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[info]daemonnoire

April 20 2007, 14:57:18 UTC 5 years ago

This calls for a cat macro!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

(I'm a dork, I know)

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 14:58:03 UTC 5 years ago

HAHAHA! AWESOME!

[info]syaldia

5 years ago

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...and 6 more comments... from [info]falcongirl, [info]ferelwing, [info]witchchild… Expand

[info]phoenix_blue

April 20 2007, 15:00:02 UTC 5 years ago

But it's okay, he wasn't trying to get a date. He was just trying to get in her pants.

Well played, FalconGirl!

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 15:05:10 UTC 5 years ago

I couldn't help it. The laugh just slipped out. It did make me wonder, though.. now that he knows he can have a date for just asking, will he still be interested in Satanism? Or will he just go back to reading Harry Potter and pretending to be a Slytherin?

[info]redwoodmists

5 years ago

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[info]brock_tn

5 years ago

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[info]libwitch

April 20 2007, 15:01:40 UTC 5 years ago

Oh god, please tell me that this didn't really happen, please? It sounds like something out of a bad comic strip. Maybe even Buffy meets Supernatural.

Actually, I am a bit lost as to what anyone would use nowadays as a reference tool for satanism that isn't snarkable....

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 15:06:17 UTC 5 years ago

Oh, it happened. I'm still giggling about it. It deserves to be a bad comic strip. Hm.

As for material.. I dunno, not being a satanist, but the necronomicon is pretty much on the "deserves to be mocked til it bleeds" list.

[info]jazz007

5 years ago

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[info]kd5mdk

5 years ago

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[info]ishara

April 20 2007, 15:03:24 UTC 5 years ago

*snerk* Well I don't know about you, but I can see the problem with her rite from several thousand kilometers away.

I don't know about the Dark Lords, but I'm reliably informed that the Sumerian Mountains will indeed pay you a visit when you summon them...

...Provided you've done shrooms first. ;)

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 15:07:42 UTC 5 years ago

Oh come on! You know darn well you want off-the-rack gothwear!

.. and a brain injury that would allow you to read the Necro without killing yourself laughing..

[info]ishara

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]spiritof1976

April 20 2007, 15:05:01 UTC 5 years ago

Oh bless!

Double bless!

Triple bless!





Next week, he tries (and again fails) to get into her pants by demonstrating his superiority at AD&D.

[info]batchfile

April 20 2007, 15:09:21 UTC 5 years ago

BWAHAHAHAH!

[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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...and 5 more comments... from [info]ishara, [info]snobahr, [info]falcongirl… Expand

[info]hagazusa

April 20 2007, 15:06:43 UTC 5 years ago

A Satanick gothling named Greg! Love it!

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 15:10:32 UTC 5 years ago

OZRYMANDIUS! A play on the King of Kings, yo! Totally original because he are having a 'r' in it!

[info]badseed1980

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]bridge_o_sighs

April 20 2007, 15:28:40 UTC 5 years ago

"Dark Lords Gone Wild"

[info]wolfsilveroak

April 20 2007, 18:42:36 UTC 5 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[info]finding_rowan

April 20 2007, 15:33:01 UTC 5 years ago

BWAHAHAHA! **presents you with a shiny new Internet** :D

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 17:10:32 UTC 5 years ago

Yay!
*Keeps it in shiny box, shows to friends on weekends!*

[info]makhsihed

April 20 2007, 15:50:03 UTC 5 years ago

*dies laughing*

This is my favorite snark post of the. . . month!

Utter awesomeness. Someone needs to work it into a comic.

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 17:10:49 UTC 5 years ago

Working on it :) I know a gal.

[info]tyrell

April 20 2007, 15:53:25 UTC 5 years ago

I just got into trouble for laughing REALLY REALLY HARD at work, and then not being able to explain why. Completely brilliant.

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 17:11:14 UTC 5 years ago

I r made of halos and harp music! I r blameless! BLAMELESS AND CHERUBIC!

[info]ferelwing

5 years ago

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[info]juliaki

April 20 2007, 16:18:34 UTC 5 years ago

And here I thought I was the only one who had random encounters with folks like that.

Bless you...that was a great giggle!

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 17:13:42 UTC 5 years ago

Ever feel like you'd be perfect to have someone follow with a video camera, just to capture little gems like this?

Talk about missed ops - my cameraphone can do video, and I forgot about it until another friend mentioned it later. D'oh!

[info]ferelwing

5 years ago

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[info]the_ellcrys

April 20 2007, 16:22:00 UTC 5 years ago

If you can buy it at Borders, just how good do you think it's gonna be?

Do you mind if I use this line?

Besides, everyone knows the only way to get the Necronomicon to work properly is to yell "Klatu! Verata!" and then sneeze something starting with an N first.

[info]gothic_oreo

April 20 2007, 16:27:31 UTC 5 years ago

It works doubly better if an alien says it.

[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]ferelwing

April 20 2007, 16:48:46 UTC 5 years ago

You should have suggested that they read HP Lovecraft and try something from there. *snicker* Ok I'm mean.

Sometimes I just can't help but laugh...

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 17:15:08 UTC 5 years ago

I'd bet G2 has at least one plushy Chthulu doll.

[info]ferelwing

5 years ago

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[info]atalantapendrag

April 20 2007, 17:15:22 UTC 5 years ago

...you totally should have addressed him as "Dillon". (Yeah, I'm a JtHM geek.)

[info]falcongirl

April 20 2007, 17:19:17 UTC 5 years ago

Shoulda. I did think of telling him he owned JV a quarter for licensing fees, but I foresaw a "I was NNY before NNY was NNY!" comment and didn't feel like pointing out if that was the case, the kid was gothing it from the cradle.

[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]atalantapendrag

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]atalantapendrag

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]atalantapendrag

5 years ago

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[info]newdance

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]newdance

5 years ago

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[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]newdance

5 years ago

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[info]elfwreck

April 20 2007, 17:37:50 UTC 5 years ago

If it's in English, it's not the *real* Necronomicon

Everyone knows the only English translation of the Necronomicon was by Dr. John Dee, and is a partial copy, and flawed at that. The original, of course, is Arabic, but I don't have that. I have the Latin edition published by Wormius in 1228. (Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Anyway, it's in Latin.) Over 300 pages. Leatherbound. With Miskatonic U. library card, and letter of provenance. Suitable for impressing the gothchicks and scaring one's Republican aunt in ways that nothing with an ISBN will ever be.

Let's see if I can figure out this gallery thingie.

[info]brock_tn

April 20 2007, 19:34:34 UTC 5 years ago

Re: If it's in English, it's not the *real* Necronomicon

There's a copy of the Necronomicon in the collection of the Library of Congress, in Washington DC. It's catalogued under "Middle Eastern Manuscripts" and it would probably be useful for potential readers to have some familiarity with 10th-Century CE Duriac, as the catalog describes the work as being a "facsimile of a reputed Duriac manuscript."

See the catalog entry here.

[info]a_view_so_cruel

5 years ago

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[info]elfwreck

5 years ago

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[info]brock_tn

5 years ago

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[info]ferelwing

5 years ago

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[info]brock_tn

5 years ago

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[info]kitrona

5 years ago

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[info]nightrythm

April 20 2007, 17:56:39 UTC 5 years ago

*Tee Hee* You have cheered my morning. That was fucking beautiful. I applaud you.

[info]jennybean42

April 20 2007, 17:57:32 UTC 5 years ago

I totally see this as a Something Positive strip, for some reason.

[info]etherealagent

April 20 2007, 18:38:59 UTC 5 years ago

Haha, I was so thinking that too. It reminds me of the strip when they go to Salem... And that makes me incredibly happy :)

[info]falcongirl

5 years ago

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[info]ferelwing

5 years ago

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[info]wolfsilveroak

April 20 2007, 18:40:38 UTC 5 years ago

Just dies.

[info]mzwyndi

April 20 2007, 19:17:03 UTC 5 years ago

Best. Post. EVAR.

[info]verdecat

April 20 2007, 19:32:58 UTC 5 years ago

I probably would have told her to order a copy of the Goetia just to see if she would.

[info]dbmyrrha

April 20 2007, 20:41:35 UTC 5 years ago

LOL. For teh Win.

[info]a_view_so_cruel

April 20 2007, 20:51:19 UTC 5 years ago

*rolling on ground LOLing*
*reads it to my fiancee who is also rolling on ground LOLing*

Oh snit.

(And since when is the necronomicon Satanism?)
Stupid little goth kids, I don't know who they're making worse; goth people, or Satanists.

Just add that to the reasons people think I worship satan... oh excuse me, The Dark Lord(tm).

*headdesk*
*repeat*

[info]elfwreck

April 20 2007, 22:17:33 UTC 5 years ago

I missed that on first reading... Dark Lords... I know the name of the Dark Lord, and it is Voldemort.

Someone needs to go tell the gothettes that they can't summon him until late July.

Of COURSE the Necronomicon is Satanism; it has a PENTACLE on the front cover. Are you blind?

[info]ferelwing

5 years ago

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