Peregrine (falcongirl) wrote in dot_pagan_snark,
Peregrine
falcongirl
dot_pagan_snark

More of an 'overheard', but still snarkworthy

While I was on the bus today, I got to watch two little gothlings discussing their foray into Satanism. Imagine, if you will, a skinny, spotty boy trying desperately to be Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, complete with "Z?" shirt, slicked and pointed dyed black hair, and a pallor that came from Hot Topic or his mother's makeup case. We'll call him Gothling 1. Gothling 2 was a young girl, her dyed black and red and purple hair held back with a tatty red velvet and lace ribbon. Wearing This, over ripped up black fishnets with thin red velvet lace woven through and tied around her wrists. Stripey wicked witch stockingtights in black and red, and mary janes. I wanted to pet her, she was so cute. Makeup done ala Marilyn Manson.

Gothling 2, sulking: "I did everything right out of the Necronomicon, and the candles didn't even flicker. I don't get it. It should have summoned at least an imp."
Gothling 1, smarmy and oozing: "Well, it takes practice to summon the Dark Lords. I mean, you can't just call 'em up on your first time out. That's not how it works. You have to build up Power and Focus first."
Gothling 2, still sulking: "I did that! Ritual cleansing bath, Stones of Power around the circle, my Athame (pronounced aye-theme) and my Black Knife, and the three drops of blood!"
Gothling 1, smarmy and oozing: "That's good, that's good.. It's a good start, but you have to work with more Power than that. More blood, or sex, are good ways to harvest it."

At this point, I snorted a laugh - I couldn't help it. The Random Capitals of Doom that you could hear, the 'Dark Lords', the freaking NECRONOMICON.. couldn't keep a straight face.

Gothling 1, angry at me: "What the fuck are you laughing at?!"
Me: (To Gothling 2) "He's trying to get in your pants."
Gothling 2, shocked: "No he isn't!"
Me: "I'll bet you a dollar his next line was going to be an offer to help you 'Focus' and 'gather Power', either by bloodplay or offering to have sex with you."
Gothling 2: "It wasn't!" Turning to G1 "It wasn't, was it!? Tell her it wasn't!"
Gothling 1: *silent, glaring at me*
Me: "Yuhuh. Crappiest way to get into a girls pants, pretty much ever. Necronomicon as a reference tool? Puhfucklinglease. If you can buy it at Borders, just how good do you think it's gonna be?"
Gothling 2, glaring at G1: "That's sick, Greg. If you wanted a date, all you had to do was ask."
Gothling 1, still glaring at me: "I told you, it's not Greg anymore!"
Gothling 2, eyerolling: "Ok, OZRYMANDIUM, it's still shitty! Satanism is a serious business! You shouldn't cheapen it by using it to try to get a date!"

And then it was their stop, and they left the bus, still bickering.

So much snark material!
-T
Tags: attention whores, buy a clue, darkity dark, demons, did i just win snark bingo, fluffybunnies, funny, good snark, leet magical children, necronomicon, off-line snarks, omg satanists!, quotes, reality check plz, satanism = serious bidnizz, witchkiddies
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  • I'm sure we're all very grateful...

    Wow, y'know, I can't even tell you how very relieved I am that you won't "allow" those evil body-snatching necromancers to crazy-glue souls of the…

  • Boy, the classes at college are really expanding.

    The Corpse Sleep is the most direct and simple "lifting" or "fetch flight" operation that I am capable of performing or discussing for those…

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    Ok, I have a question. I HATE spiders with a mad passion and I could care less if they get killed **having a tarantula thrown on you when yur 7 can…